Happiness is a very simple thing. It is choosing to be happy by focusing on things that
bring us pleasure, or looking for things that make us feel better about ourselves and our
world. Like what? Well I guess that depends on you. What tickles one person’s fancy
may not tickle someone else’s fancy. For me, it’s in my relationships with my family, the
color of a sunset, the promise of a sunrise, the sense of personal satisfaction when I do
my job well. So happiness is a personal attitude, custom-made for who you are and what
you like. It can’t be compared to other people’s happiness, even though you may both
share similar likes and pleasures. Your happiness is unique to you, and therefore
invaluable to you and to those around you.
11 But what threatens happiness for all of us are circumstances and criticisms. The word
happiness comes from transient events, what we call “happenstances.” If our happiness is
based on circumstances or other people’s opinions, it comes and goes like a yo-yo. Good
circumstances make us happy; bad circumstances may us unhappy. Nice words lift us up;
harsh words drive us down. Well, if we shouldn’t base happiness on our circumstances or
other people’s opinions of us, then what should we base it on? Good question! That’s
what I want to talk about. How we deal with criticism is an indicator of how we deal with
circumstances. It’s easier to spot. It isn’t our environment, or what people say to us that
determines our happiness. It is how we respond to them. To repeat, happy people aren’t
born happy. They choose to be happy. It is an act of will.
Happy people remember the good times for years, and the bad times for seconds.
Unhappy people relive the bad times for years, and remember the good times for seconds.
When happy people hear a criticism, they examine themselves to see if it is true. If so,
they apologize and change their ways. But unhappy people won’t change, no matter what
is said or what they read, and no matter how destructive their habits are. They need to
maintain their behaviors and attitudes so the criticisms will be true. That affirms their
negative view of themselves and their world. They choose to be unhappy. I like to say to
my kids, “They savor their pain like a fine chocolate.”
I’m going to equate happiness with wisdom, and unhappiness with foolishness. The Bible
says in the Book of Proverbs 9:8-9 that a wise man accepts criticism and loves you for it.
When he is instructed, he gains knowledge and learns from it, becoming wiser still. He
listens to advice (12:15). The very same counsel can be given to someone else, the
foolish person, but instead of being grateful, that person will feel insulted, discouraged,
defeated, rejected, and unhappy. Why the difference?
I think it’s because the wise man chooses to pursue the truth, no matter where it leads
him, even to a mirror. He is always willing to change and grow. If he makes a mistake, as
we all do, he wants to know why, and he corrects it. And that pursuit of excellence,
tempered with humility, brings him friends, joy, contentment, and personal satisfaction:
what we might consider happiness.
An unhappy person, hearing the very same advice, resorts to blaming others, and
justifying what he has or hasn’t done. This kind of perverted self-protection has a lot to
do with staying unhappy. “Hey! That’s just the way I am. I like the way I am. If you
don’t, keep it to yourself.” And so their unhappiness continues. Their ability to deal with
other people never improves. Their relationships are shallow and meaningless. They
insist on finding the negative in every situation - which drives people away. That was my
chosen way to live for most of my adult life. In fact, at my 10th high school reunion we
were asked to include a “message.” Mine was, “Every cloud has a silver lining, and every
silver lining has a moth.” Uplifting, don’t you think?
Happy people always manage to find the one thing of value in every disaster, the one
lesson to be learned in every failure, the one positive twist that the unhappy person is
blind to, and refuses to even look for. Andy says happiness is ours for the asking.
12 Unfortunately, he says we’ll only ask for it when we’ve had enough misery, heartache,
loneliness, and disappointment in our life. I reached that point several years ago. That’s
the point at which we finally choose happiness over unhappiness. We refuse to be thrown
about by every whim of circumstance and every negative comment.
And that’s the point at which we become attractive and winsome. People want to be
around us. They listen to what we have to say. And they want to hear more. That’s a
point to remember.
Yes, we need to protect our environment by choosing what we read, watch, and hear. But
we can’t always do that. An alcoholic chooses not to hang out in bars and liquor stores.
But when he sits down to a meal with someone who has a glass of wine and offers him
some, he must choose not to allow his current environment to affect him, or tempt him
into participating. That takes strength of will, and conviction. Happiness is just like that.
We are addicts to negative thinking and negative speech. If we are to be happy, we need
to make the same kind of hard choices that every other addict needs to make. This is a
battle for our mind and our attitude, every day, every moment. We must resolve not to
succumb. We will not be swayed. We will not surrender. We must decide to find
happiness today, this minute. It is all around us, if we just look for it. Get an attitude of
gratitude and see if the world around you doesn’t begin to change magically.